NOISE FLOOR, issue number 3: a cut-and-paste punk fanzine
Gigs. Gossip. Three-chord theology.
Cut, pasted and photocopied on a kitchen floor by people who should be asleep. Free if you ask nicely, £2 if you don’t. Swap it for a tape and we’ll call it even.
P.2 Gigs P.3 Lung Fish talk P.4 Do it yourself
Pit injuries up 300%
Local physio: “It was worth it,” patients agree
Paramedics at last Saturday’s all-dayer logged three bruised ribs, one lost shoe and a bass guitar in an unexpected place. “Everybody was very polite about it,” said one steward, adjusting an earplug.
Page 2: gigs, October 2026
Gigs
WHERE TO GET YOUR EARS RUINED
Oct 2026 · all doors 8pm unless we forget · earplugs at the bar
Lung Fish
+ Dog Dentist
The Sump · cellar bar · doors 8
£5 / PWYC
Scrap Metal Sisters
single launch + Wet Cement
Unit 9 · old tannery · doors 7:30
£6 · no one turned away
All-dayer
11 bands, 1 toilet
St. Jude’s Hall · noon ’til late
£8 · bring cake
Open mic of doom
sign up on a napkin
Sudz & Duds laundrette · 7pm
free · bring quarters
Pigeon Bomb
+ The Damp Squibs + Cheap Hymns
The Boiler Room · doors 8
£5 at the door
Noise Ball
costumes mandatory. Kettle Fire headline
The Sump · late, loud, licensed (just)
£7 / PWYC
Bands wanted
Drummer with a van. Bassist with patience. Anyone with a garage and a tolerant landlord. Call the number scratched into the brick behind The Sump.
Classifieds
FOUND: one tambourine, no owner, several regrets. Ask at the bar.
FOR SALE: bass amp, green. One careful owner (he was not careful).
LOST: singer’s voice. Last seen Saturday. Reward: tea.
Page 3: interview with Lung Fish
Lung Fish
Loud, damp & (slightly) improving
Q. How did Lung Fish start?
MARGO: We met at a bus stop. A burnt-out one. Nobody hurt, the bus was late anyway. Dev had a bass with two strings and a lot of opinions.
DEV: Three strings. I’ve been busy.
Q. How do you write a song?
MARGO: Rev shouts a word, Kit hits something, I find the note that hurts most. That’s a song. Usually ninety seconds. We’re not monsters.
Q. Why a zine, in this economy?
DEV: Nobody can algorithm a staple.
Q. Best gig ever?
KIT: The laundrette. Tuesday, nine people, one asleep. The dryer kept perfect time. We asked it to join the band.
Q. Worst?
MARGO: A wedding. Not ours.
Q. Advice for new bands?
MARGO: Play the wrong notes with total confidence.
REV: And learn where the fuse box is.
“Nobody can algorithm a staple.”
— Dev, bass (three strings)“Play the wrong notes with total confidence.”
— Margo, guitar, voiceSet list · The Sump
- Damp Squib
- Bus Stop (Burnt Out)
- Wet Cement
- The Dryer Kept Time
Love SongFuse Box Blues- [the one we forgot]
Discography
- Damp Squib EP — 2024, cassette, recorded in a wardrobe
- Wet Cement — 2025, cassette, still smells
- Live at the Laundrette — 2026, one copy, it’s in the dryer
Page 4: how to do it yourself
Eight rules for idiots
- Learn three chords. That’s the curriculum.
- No amp? Buy a cheap one. Blame the room.
- Book your own gigs: church halls, laundrettes, garages, roofs. Ask nicely. Then ask anyway.
- Split the door money equally. Write it down. Pin it up.
- The photocopier is an instrument. Learn its moods.
- Staple, don’t glue. Glue has opinions.
- If it sounds bad, do it louder. If it still sounds bad, call it a genre.
- Leave the venue cleaner than you found it, so they let you back.
This is a chord. This is another. This is a third. Now form a band.
Next issue:
when the toner
arrives
Send gigs, gossip and grudges to NOISE FLOOR, c/o the brick behind The Sump (left of the bins). No emails. We do not have a computer, only opinions.
This zine is free to copy. Copy it. Give it away. Leave it on the bus. Especially leave it on the bus.