Roasted Tue + Fri ★ Free shipping over £30 ★ No decaf. Ever.

  • Small-batch coffee roasters
  • Kettle Lane · est. 2019

BURNT ONPURPOSE.

We roast 15 kg at a time in a former tyre shop, stop the drum the second the beans have something to say, and post them before they cool down and have regrets. No decaf. No syrups. No small talk.

Shop the beans Find your roast
  • 15 kg drum named Brenda
  • 0 decaf. sorry.
  • Tue + Fri roast days

Sticker sheet no.1 — peel, drag, slap

NO SMALL TALK
I’m not addicted. I’m committed.
0417·CULT·0000
Oat milk? We have oat. We have opinions.(please don’t ask for syrup)
9 stickers · all of them loose

Fresh roasted. No decaf. No small talk.

01 — The roast dial

How burnt do you like it?

Drag the dial. Watch one perfectly innocent bean lose its will to live and gain a personality. Every stop is a real roast from Brenda, our 15 kg drum.

Fig. 1 — one (1) bean, roasted to order

Drop temp209°C
Roast time11:18
Weight lost15%

Roast 03 / 06

City+

The crowd-pleaser

Behaves at dinner parties. Brings a bottle.

Flavour notes

    Cup profile

    Acidity
    Sweetness
    Body
    Bitterness
    £15.50per 250 g bag

    Lighter roasts cost more: fancier green coffee, less weight lost in the drum. Darker ones cost less. Less to hide behind.

    02 — Brew ratio calculator

    Maths, but for breakfast.

    Nobody has ever said “a scoop” and meant it. Type grams, get millilitres, or type millilitres and get grams. Ratio is 1 gram of coffee to X millilitres of water. That’s the whole religion.

    Ratio 1 gram : X ml
    Ratio presets

    You need

    320ml water

    for 20 g of coffee at 1:16, about 1.3 cups.

    The sweet spot. Balanced, bright, only slightly smug.

    Grind
    Medium, like beach sand
    Water temp
    94°C
    Brew time
    3:00
    Cups (250 ml)
    1.3

    Pour plan

      Brew clock

      0:00

      Scale should read0 g

      Press start when the kettle stops screaming.

      03 — The lineup

      Six ways to be wide awake.

      Hover a bag to see what’s inside. On a phone, tap it. On a typewriter, we’re sorry. All 250 g, whole bean, roasted this week or we’re not sending it.

      • Dark roast

        Bad decisions

        Espresso blend · Brazil / Colombia / Uganda

        £13.50

        Bad decisions

        01 / 06

        Burnt toffee, cocoa nibs, poor judgement. Pulls like a dream, hits like a Monday.

        Origin
        Brazil, Colombia, Uganda
        Process
        Natural + washed
        Altitude
        900–1,400 m
        Roast
        Vienna (dark)
        Best for
        Espresso, moka, 6 a.m.
        £13.50250 G

      • Light roast

        Guji or die

        Single origin · Guji, Ethiopia

        £18.00

        Guji or die

        02 / 06

        Blueberry jam, jasmine, mild sunburn. Smells like a fruit bowl having a breakdown.

        Origin
        Guji, Ethiopia
        Process
        Natural, sun-dried
        Altitude
        2,050 m
        Roast
        Cinnamon (light)
        Best for
        V60, showing off
        £18.00250 G

      • Medium roast

        Sunday scaries

        Single origin · Huila, Colombia

        £15.50

        Sunday scaries

        03 / 06

        Red apple, panela, a long sit-down with nothing to do. The good kind of Sunday.

        Origin
        Huila, Colombia
        Process
        Fully washed
        Altitude
        1,750 m
        Roast
        City (medium)
        Best for
        Everything. Even guests.
        £15.50250 G

      • Medium-dark

        The house cult

        House blend · Brazil / Guatemala

        £12.50

        The house cult

        04 / 06

        Milk chocolate, hazelnut, reliability. Our bestseller. Your dad would approve, quietly.

        Origin
        Brazil, Guatemala
        Process
        Washed + natural
        Altitude
        1,100–1,600 m
        Roast
        Full City
        Best for
        Flat whites, arguments
        £12.50250 G

      • Light-medium

        Cassis attack

        Single origin · Nyeri, Kenya

        £17.00

        Cassis attack

        05 / 06

        Blackcurrant, grapefruit, tomato leaf. Zingy. Slightly rude. We love it.

        Origin
        Nyeri, Kenya
        Process
        Washed, double-soaked
        Altitude
        1,800 m
        Roast
        New England
        Best for
        Filter, iced, opinions
        £17.00250 G

      • Medium-dark

        Swamp thing

        Single origin · Lintong, Sumatra

        £14.00

        Swamp thing

        06 / 06

        Cedar, tobacco leaf, damp forest floor. Tastes like the wardrobe on the way to Narnia.

        Origin
        Lintong, Sumatra
        Process
        Wet-hulled
        Altitude
        1,300 m
        Roast
        Full City
        Best for
        French press, long walks
        £14.00250 G
      04 — House rules

      The rules. They’re laws.

      1. No decaf.

        We looked into it. It’s not a personality, it’s a rumour.

      2. Milk is a condiment.

        Not a food group. Not a hug. A condiment. Pour like you mean it.

      3. Grind it fresh.

        Pre-ground coffee is a cry for help. Buy the grinder. Buy the good one.

      4. Stop at the crack.

        First crack is a pop. Second crack is a warning. Third crack is your smoke alarm.

      5. It’s not bitter. It’s you.

        Or your water. Or your grind. Mostly your grind. Try again, gently.